he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
