You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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