she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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