i wish peter jackson would direct porn
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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