Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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