Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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