Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
