Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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