i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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