Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
