Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
