i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
