I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
