This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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