Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
