So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
