Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize