she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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