Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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