What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
