Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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