i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
