This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
