Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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