Have you finally orgasmed yet?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
