wat bout pragnant strippers??
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
