Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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