Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
