i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize