What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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