hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I deserve to be covered in dicks
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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