I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
