I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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