someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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