You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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