I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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