Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
