Will you blow on my dice?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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