Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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