and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
