And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize