he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize