So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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