oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
