Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
