Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
