Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
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