Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
