New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
