She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Randomize
