it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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