I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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