Need sex. Gaining weight.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
