we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just want nice things and good sex
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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