she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
