just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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