Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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