I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
