Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
