i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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