Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
