I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
