i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
