the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
