yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
