Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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